I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
