If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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