remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize