Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
