i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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