I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Randomize
