Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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