two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
