i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
