the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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