And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
