It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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