I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
