hotel room ftw
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
