i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
