Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
