so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
