omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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