it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
