Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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