i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize