how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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