You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
