I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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