What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
