Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
