I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
