She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
