why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just googled if crying burns calories
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
