i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize