i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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