If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
