I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
