i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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