ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
