have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
