hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
