DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
