Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
His hands were made for my vagina.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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