I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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