I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
