Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize