well you can't waste a boner
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
