hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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