I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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