So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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