My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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