u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
