Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
A+ Viking dick
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
