So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
