He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize