the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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