If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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