conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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