It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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