Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
