i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
