You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
