Do you still have your period?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
