he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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