I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
