yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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