im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
