I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
