5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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