"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The power of my boobs compel you
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
