you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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