Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
