Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
