Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
