In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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