she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He called his prostate his "boner button".
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
