you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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