just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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