How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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