I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
