Betty ford says i'm here all night
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My vagina is officially offended.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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