I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize