I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize