I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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