I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
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